5 Days, $500, 248 sf NYC Apt…Go!: Day 3

Day 3 turned out to be a pretty routine day for me.  One minute, I’m trying to decide between clotted cream or lemon curd to spread on my scone (I ended up doing both) during high tea at The Crosby in Soho.  And the next?  I’m dumpster diving.  In my heels. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit since there was no actual dumpster involved.  Here’s the story: My sister and I were walking along 3rd Avenue when I spotted a pile of discarded furniture outside of Vintage Thrift, so we crossed the street to have a look. Nothing was really worth lugging home, except for this chair.  Absolutely love the lines of this piece.  It just needed a few coats of paint and someone to get rid of that awful pleather cushion cover.  So, we picked it up and dragged it home.

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Once we got back, I noticed that there was a slight separation between two of the joints in the chair.  To fix this, I dabbed a little wood glue to either end, pressed down and held it in place with a makeshift clamp.  It was, by no means a fancy contraption.  I just used a very heavy textbook and the laws of gravity to hold the joints together.  Once that was done, I sanded down the entire chair and wiped it down with a damp cloth.  Next, came primer…or if you’re too lazy to go buy primer like myself, I just did a base layer of any old white paint lying around.  Same thing, if your finish paint is light in color.  I think.  Don’t quote me on that one.

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After the chair was dry from the first layer of paint, I figured I should remove the wooden seat bottom before giving it any more paint.  You’ll probably want to do this earlier but it really doesn’t matter too much if you’re planning on reupholstering the whole lot like I did. This is the chair after a coat of Behr paint in “Antique White” and a coat of that “Crystal Clear” polyurethane.

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While waiting for that to dry, I turned my attention to the seat bottom itself.  There was no way I was going to put that brown pleather, that I half painted, back on the chair.

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My solution was to strip the pleather cover off of the seat cushion and then place it over the seat bottom.  Once I placed the two on top of each other, I used a pair of scissors to trim the cushion down to the size of the seat bottom.  Use glue to stick the two together so that it doesn’t move around later.  Then I used the striped fabric we had purchased from Tru-Mart to cover the whole thing.

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I forgot to pack my staple gun when traveling, so here’s my improvised reupholstery techniques.  First, use a quality fabric.  They make upholstery fabric for a reason.  It will cost substantially more but is worth it since the dense material will take the constant wear and tear of daily use.  But if you’re not planning on using it much, then I guess whatever fabric will do. Once you have your fabric, find the correct side, or the side that you want everyone to see. Place that side facing the ground (or another clean, hard surface).  Then place the seat bottom plus cushion on top of that.  Trim the fabric to the shape of the seat bottom but in a larger scale.  You want enough excess fabric to attach to the back of the cushion.  After the fabric is trimmed to size, you want to go ahead and attach the fabric to the seat cushion with nails.  Get the thin one inch nails that don’t have much of a head. The ones that are in small clear hanging packs at The Home Depot.  Use these in lieu of a staple gun.  To do so, you want to hold the fabric tight, then hammer the nail halfway down its entire length.  Once halfway buried, take your hammer and start hammering the nail on its side until the whole thing is flush with the seat bottom surface.  The end result should be a right angle that securely holds the fabric down to the seat bottom.  Use as many nails as you need to to get the fabric to rest taut.  I think I ended up using at least twenty for this project.  I prefer staple guns but this really does work just as well.

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And this is the Dumpster Diving Chair “After”.  The bright turquoise fabric choice gives the chair an updated “fun” look, although I’m not sure how a chair has fun.

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Beside that chair is a black dresser my sister bought years ago for $15, off of Craigslist. The overly gold hardware kind of gives it a Chinese lacquered tea room look that I wasn’t too big of a fan of.  But here is the dresser “Before”.

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And here are some scrap pieces of off-white paper that I rounded up.

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To change the entire look of the dresser, I cut the paper into rectangular pieces measured to the size of the inside of each gold hardware plate.  Then I glued it down.  The end result was more Restoration Hardware vintage dresser versus something out of a Chinatown attic.

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Pillows are pricey.  I have no idea why, since they’re so cheap to make.  So it should come as no surprise that I was spending the night sewing a pillowcase in my pajamas.  Below is the upholstery material I flew in with.  It was leftover from another chair reupholstery project.

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I took the fabric and measured it to the exact size of the pillow which was 18×18 inches. Then I cut the fabric out in three pieces, leaving a generous centimeter of extra fabric around the perimeter.

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This is a really clean way to sew a pillowcase, with no zipper.  I’ll show you in a later post how to do it exactly, since it’s a bit detailed.  But it’s basically three pieces with the two smaller ones overlapping in the back.

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Using a backstitch, I hand sewed the fabric and inserted a pillow my sister already had in her possession to form this.  Here is the pillow “After”.

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Next, I turned my attention to her green dresser.  I liked the color but was not a big fan of the knobs themselves.  What I wanted to buy were these rope knotted dresser knobs at Anthropologie for $12 each.  With twelve dresser knobs, it seemed a bit frivolous to spend $144 on a dresser’s hardware, so I decided to make my own nautical themed knobs. Here’s what I started off with.

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I then took wrapping twine and tied a tight knot into one of the ends, like this.

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Then you take an upholstery tack and jab it directly into the middle of the knot.  Trim off the excess rope.  Home Depot sells these tacks in the nails section.

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Take that knot and tack contraption and nail it directly into the center of each dresser knob.  This will only work with wooden knobs.

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Using E-6000 glue, I dabbed on a generous amount of the stuff to adhere the twine to the wood.  I wrapped it continuously around the tack until I reached the knob’s outer edge. Then I held it in place with a pin.  Take this out when it is completely dry.  I recommend E-6000 since it’s my favorite but you can use any heavy duty glue (like Gorilla Glue) as long as it’s easy to peel off of your hands at the end.  This project can get a bit messy so please don’t use Super Glue.  I haven’t used that stuff ever since it glued together my eyelids…last month.  But here’s the end result.  It cost about $8 to make when Anthropologie knobs would’ve been $144.

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Here’s a close up of some of the things I made on top of the dresser.  The “S” letter thing was made with random stuff I found for cheap at an architectural salvage store in Seattle.  I think some are actually those window clasps you see in old buildings.  The artwork itself was actually canvas she already had.  I covered it with chalkboard paint, let dry and then drew on it with a paint pen.  It’s Mo, the best dog in the world.  According to Mo.

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5 Days, $500, 248 sf NYC Apt…Go!: Day 2

You know you have a thrifting addiction when you find yourself at a NYC street corner, mentally shopping out of homeless person’s shopping cart/home-on-the-go.  In my defense, that woman had a lampshade that, I swear, was a Tiffany original.  I envy. Anyhow, back to the apartment.  After some Pushcart Coffee, my sister and I headed on over to what she refers to as “Thrift Row”.  Goodwill, Salvation Army, Housing Works, Vintage Thrift, they were all there.  I was not like a kid in a candy store.  I was more like a contestant on Supermarket Sweep, trying to stuff a Bonus blow up Hamburger Helper hand into my shopping cart within 60 seconds.  My advice on successful thrifting?  Put away your expensive handbags and engagement rings.  No sane person is willing to haggle down the price of a $50 chair with a woman wearing a $50,000 engagement ring.  I get my best haggling deals using a Trader Joe’s reusable shopping bag as my purse.  But that’s how we got this antique table for $40.  Table was originally $75.  We showed up with Trader Joe’s handbags.  Ten minutes later, we’re carrying a (very heavy) table back to the apartment, with the intention of turning it into a coffee table.  Below is a picture of the coffee table “Before”.

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To turn this table into a proper coffee table, I needed to make it not so tall.  I guess “shorter” would be the word.  To remedy this problem, I sought out the help of the superintendent of the building.  I needed a saw.  He had tons.  After asking me roughly ten questions all centered around the key theme of, “You’re not planning on using my saws to hack any bodies, right?” I finally got my hands on a saw.  Then, I went back to the apartment to saw off the legs to my desired height preference.  Legs of the table, that is.

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While I was sawing away (it was real wood, so it was super dense and hard), my sister sat on a chair and told me, “I’d help but you have a wedding to look good for, so this is a great way to work out those arms.  You can thank me later”.

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For this coffee table, I envisioned an antique white finish over layers of vintage blue.  To achieve this look, I gathered together all of my supplies which consisted of sandpaper, paint, paintbrushes and rollers.  You want to get the densely packed foam roller for this project.  Much smoother finish.  Oh, make sure you measure the table legs of any table if you’re going to saw it short.  You don’t want to be known as that house with the deck of cards under the leg of the dining room table, cause Mommy/Daddy couldn’t be bothered to measure correctly.

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First, I gently sanded the table.  Then I wiped it down with a damp cloth and let it dry.  This didn’t take long.  It’s not long enough for a full martini break.  Just a sip-and-bite-of-olive long break.  For this table, I bought a Behr sample of paint in “River Walk”.  With a paintbrush, I slowly applied very thin layers of blue paint to the entire table, making sure to leave bits of the gorgeous wood carvings to show through for an antique brushed look. You don’t want to load up on paint.  Work in a crosshatch pattern with your brush.  Oh, I forgot.  I took off the hardware before painting.  You should probably do the same.

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After I waited for the blue layer to dry (it doesn’t take long since it’s so thin), I used the same painting technique to apply two layers of Behr paint in “Antique White”.  The end effect should have bits of wood and vintage blue popping out between layers of antique white.  To seal it all in, I added a layer of clear polyurethane once the paint was dry.  Get the canister marked “Crystal Clear” or else you end up with the nasty yellow tinged “Clear” kind.

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To finish off the table, I re-added the carved brass hardware and lined the inside of the drawer with leftover scrapbook paper.

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Coffee table “After”.

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Same table, different view.

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Once I was done with the coffee table, I turned to the issue of providing privacy for the space.  I didn’t want to do long curtains since the bookcases sat directly below it and would’ve been covered by any long fabric.  Short curtains were out of the question as well since I think they look tacky.  Roman shades were also an option, but I chose to do a faux etched glass look for this room’s windows instead.  This window effect provides an opaque lacy look that allows plenty of light in but leaves the curious eyes of neighbors (across the courtyard) out.  The best part is that the window treatment can be undone upon move out with a wet sponge and some patience.  To create a faux etched glass look, I needed starch as well as sheer fabric.  Luckily, I packed panels of such fabric in my luggage.  This one was purchased from an Austin Goodwill years ago for $1.99.

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After giving the windows a thorough wipe down, I measured the glass area I wanted to cover.  Then I cut the fabric accordingly.

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For this fabric, since it’s light, I was able to put it up with heavy starch spray.  Just spray the window, then spray the side of the fabric that’ll touch the window and press down. Spray as much as you need to.  You may want to lay down a towel over any area directly under this.  It gets a bit drippy.

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Smooth out the air bubbles with your hands.  If you have a straight edge or squeegee, this will be a good time to make use of those.

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Since the spray can version of starch only works for the lighter fabrics, I had to find a different solution for the heavier lace material I wanted to use for the side windows.  So, I made my own starch.  To make this, you’ll need to dissolve 1/4 cup of starch in 1/2 a cup of cold water.  Stir it around a bit until the starch dissolves.  Then I boiled 4 cups of water in a pot and slowly added the starch mixture once it was hot enough.  Keep stirring until the starch is broken down and the mixture is slightly opaque.  Once this happens, turn off the heat and let cool.  Using a brush, apply the cooled off starch mixture to the window. Soak the heavy fabric in the starch mixture and apply the heavy fabric in the same manner as the lighter one.

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We bought the lovely lace on the side windows after searching for “un-trashy” lace for two days.  After checking out several fabric stores, we ended up at a corner store called Tru-Mart.  The service was horrible, the 10×20 ft store resembled a fabric hoarder’s paradise with nowhere to walk (or run away) but hey, the price was right.  We ended up getting two yards of this lace, two yards of burlap and three yards of striped linen for $23.  When you’re dealing with wet fabric, it tends to stretch a bit so you may end up having to cut away some of the excess fabric off the sides of the window.  Wait until it’s dry though.  But this is the window area “After” during daylight hours.

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And this is the window area “After” after sunset.

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5 Days, $500, 248 sf NYC Apt…Go!: Day 1

I have a sister and she lives in a rabbit hole.  Seriously though, I’ve seen homeless people in Seattle with roomier sidewalk real estate property.  But the plus side of it all is that her Gramercy neighborhood apartment in NYC does have less dog poop.  Which is always a huge selling point, I’ve heard.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Manhattan landscape, this area is where Gossip Girls is filmed.  That meant nothing to me either.  My sister called me up one day and said, “I’m booking you a flight to NYC.  You’re redoing my apartment. Oh, don’t pack any clothes, you can just wear mine”. I responded, “OK.  Let me finish my everything bagel first”.  Fast forward to a few weeks later and I’m lugging around a suitcase filled with crafting supplies, undergarments and shoes through the streets of Manhattan.  If anyone were to look through my luggage, I would appear to be some sort of traveling hooker with a penchant for crafting.  An interesting visual, I dare say.  But below is a photo of the space I was working with.  It’s 500sf in all but the areas I worked on (bedroom/living and kitchen) were 248sf in total.  You know your parents’ garage that’s too small for the car so they use it as storage?  That’s just about the kind of space I had to work with.

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She pretty much gave me free range over decorating but did have a list of things she wanted me to remedy.  First was that she wanted window treatments.  This was so that her neighbor across the courtyard could stop intentionally peering in and then acting surprised every time she caught him in the act.  Second, she wanted to form two separate areas between her sleeping area and the living room.  Third, she wanted to spend as little as possible because cheap runs in our family.  And lastly, she wanted me to keep my flu viruses to myself.  I packed that along with me from Seattle too.  But here’s a quick rundown of the big furniture pieces my sister already had in her possession.

Chloe sofa: Half off from Macy’s during their holiday sale.  Always buy quality sofas and seating.  People look and sit on these things and can tell the difference.  Buy the nicer sofa (quality retailers always have sales, just be patient) or find a vintage one with good bones and have it reupholstered.

Black dresser to the left: $15 off of Craigslist.

Black vanity to the left: $20

Green dresser: $75 off of Craigslist

Light green table: $149 from an antique store in the Hamptons when we were there for Labor Day years ago.  This is a view of the main living space, if I stand on the bed and look down.

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So this was roughly how Day 1 went:

3:45- Alarm goes off in Seattle.

3:45- Turned off the alarm.

6:10- Made it to SeaTac airport after a two hour long game of “Silence My Alarm Clock”.  I lost.

7:10- Pretended to fall asleep so that I didn’t have to talk to the person next to me for the next 5.5 hours.

3:40 (switch to EST now)- Landed at JFK.

4:20- Finally arrived at my destination after a 40 minute train ride in which I had to listen to a woman talk about the benefits of having leg hair in the winter.  I tend to agree.

5:30- Ate the best chicken meatballs ever at Penelope’s.

6:30- Left Penelope’s.  Briefly considered changing clothes and going back in for some more chicken meatballs.  Decided against it for reasons I’ve categorized as “public appearance of sanity”.

7:00- Entered Home Depot.  Left Home Depot 30 minutes later with a gallon, quart and three samples of paint plus painting supplies.

8:00- In bed, portioning out my Ricola cough drop supply.  Declared to my sister that artsy fartsy people don’t create if awoken before sunrise.  So the official Day 1 didn’t start until Day 2.  Let me know if that confuses anyone.

Okay, so on the official start day, I began by painting the apartment.  My sister has a lot of random things.  All colorful.  And most have been around since her college years.  My whole goal for the apartment was to edit her home to make it look less like the ramen noodle college years and more like the current days of “Mario Batali, are you sure those noodles are al dente?”.  So, I thought I would bring together all of her colorful possessions with Glidden’s “Pebble Grey” hue in a matte finish.  I opted for a bright white Behr color for the trim and bookcases.  When in doubt, go for a subtle hue.  You don’t want to be stuck with a bright red wall a la 2002.  That’s just tragic.

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I’ve been painting walls freehand ever since I found out that painter’s tape and I really don’t understand one another.  It never works for me.  I’ll teach you how to paint without painter’s tape in a later post.  Plus, it saves you time and money in the long run.

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This 1966 apartment is in an amazing post-war building so it has great features like built in bookcases.  The bookcases themselves are fantastic.  The orange-y wood grain finish? Not so much.  I ended up painting the whole thing white.

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While the paint was drying on the walls and bookcases, I went to Paper Presentation on 18th Street for some scrapbook paper.  I cut the paper to the bookcases’ backing measurements and attached it all together with some two-faced tape.  This was my answer to a temporary “wallpaper” since it can be peeled and discarded when the move out date nears.

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And here is half of the bookcase after a few coats of paint and my faux wallpaper treatment.

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My sister has some books.  Mainly ones she’s stolen from my collection and has yet to read or return.  But either way, to make the books more cohesive (for some reason, there were way too many hot pink book covers happening), I rounded up all paper shopping bags and scrap paper she had, to re-cover the books.

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They turned out pretty well, especially the books I wrapped in Anthropologie bags.  The metal grommeted bag makes for a pretty cute cover if you cut off the red and white fabric handle.  Save that too.  You can use it to wrap up small gifts.  You’re welcome.

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It didn’t take long to re-cover my sister’s collection of permanently “borrowed” books so after, I started to look for more things to redo.  My eyes fell upon this jewelry box that she’s had since high school.  A gift from a close friend of hers, there wasn’t anything wrong with the box.  I just thought it would look even better with a coat of Behr’s “Antique White” paint.  Here’s the “Before”.

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And here’s the “After”.

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While waiting for that to dry, I went thrifting with my sister.  Now, I always hear, “There’s no good stuff at the Goodwill and Salvation Army in NYC”.  There are amazing things but most people just don’t feel comfortable shopping amongst crazy homeless people.  I couldn’t care less.  The best thing about shopping at the Goodwill in NYC is that since its clientele is mainly homeless people, they have no need to buy housing goods.  They all flock towards the combat boots section and cargo pants rack.  New Yorkers have it easy.  In Seattle as well as Austin, I have to battle for deals amongst rich hippie people who try their hardest to look poor so as to not look like sellouts.  But here are the goods I found while shopping at thrift stores and Fishs Eddy on Day 1:

Goodwill NYC: Glass lamp base ($13.49), wine rack ($2.99) and 2 terra cotta pots the cashier forgot to charge us for.

Fishs Eddy: Glass cake stand plus dome ($11.97) which was 30% off for having a small defect and an avocado green porcelain colander which was on sale for $9.98.

I went home and immediately placed the moss my sister had collected from Seattle’s Lopez Island inside the cake stand plus dome for an instant terrarium.

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Also from Goodwill are these plaster medallions and etched tile that I purchased for $2.69 each.  The books piled on top of one another are from a thrift store called Vintage Thrift. $21.23 for the whole lot.  The big blue book was a Salvation Army find for $4.99.Image

Goodwill also provided us with cute knickknacks like these porcelain jars which were .89 cents and $1.97.  The green candleholder was $1.98.  Tell them you’re a college kid for the 10% discount, even if you’re not.  Worst they can do is say “No” and they never do. Anyhow, the huge spools of thread are from Housing Works.  The two bigs ones were $10 each, the small one was $5.  If you’re ever in NYC, go there.  Great cause (AIDS charity) and even greater finds.

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And (finally), here are the Bookcase “After” pictures:

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The other side “After” pictures.  Oh, I also made that mint shelf to the top left from a drawer I found at Butler’s Antique’s in Fort Worth years ago.  For $5, it was a steal.  I used scrapbook paper to detail the backing and added some interesting metal brackets and hardware.

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Vegan Gingerbread Doghouse

I looked at the dog one day in December and thought, “You know what you need, Mo? A doghouse made out of gingerbread”. You know, just your normal everyday thought process.

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Obviously, I’m not the only one around who is willing to construct gingerbread doghouses so here’s my recipe for building the above mentioned Vegan Gingerbread Doghouse.

Gingerbread Recipe

2/3 cup vegan butter, at room temperature.  (My resident vegan prefers Earth Balance)
2 cups packed brown sugar (Go ahead and get generic, I won’t judge…unless it’s that Wal-Mart brand)
2 cups sweet molasses (No one ever knows where this is but it’s in the syrup section. You’re welcome)
1.5 cups of water (Glacier melted ice water purified in a “green” facility built from sustainable virgin forest wood is best, but plain ole tap will do as well.  I guess)
12 cups all-purpose flour
4 tsp. baking soda
1.5 tsp. kosher salt (It really doesn’t have to be kosher.  I thought it might make this recipe sound fancier if I threw that in)
2 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. allspice
1 tsp. cloves

Vegan Royal Icing Recipe

2 lbs confectioners’ sugar
1/2 cup powdered soy milk (I just get the soy protein powder in the bulk food bin.  Same thing)
12 cups soy milk (almond or rice milk works as well)
12 tbsp light corn syrup

Assembly Materials

1 rectangular cardboard box that is able to fit your dog
2 boxes of graham crackers (I use one box for the house while eating another box, I assume you will probably do the same)
1 large flat cardboard piece that’s big enough to form a “roof” for your doghouse
Stale trail mixes, candies, fruit.  Whatever is colorful and abundant and has been sitting in your pantry since last year

Step 1: You’re going to have to wake up for this.

Step 2: Put down the Bloody Mary.  Ok, now we can start.

Step 3:  In a large bowl, mix together the vegan butter, brown sugar, molasses and 1 cup of water.  No need for a fancy KitchenAid mixer when you have a Czech man.  I told him to channel his inner kolache making skills.Image

Step 4: In another large bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and allspice.  Helpful Tip: I know it says “all-purpose flour” but seriously, who has 12 cups of that stuff lying around?  I just use whatever is in my pantry that resembles flour (as long as it’s not self-rising).  Spelt, wheat, rye, rice…go ahead, clean out that pantry.

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Step 5: Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients.  Then add a little bit of water to make a dough.  Not too mushy and not too dry, is the key.  You want it to feel like Play-Doh.  Not the one that’s been sitting out drying because you were too lazy to put it back in the can.  The freshly opened variety.

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Step 6: Form your Play-Doh inspired gingerbread dough into eight equal balls. Wrap each dough with (here comes the product placement) Saran wrap and refrigerate for a few hours.

Step 7: Preheat the oven to 350º.  You can now line some baking sheets with parchment paper and lightly grease it.  Helpful Tip: Forego the parchment and use Siplat.  It creates miracles.

Step 8: Lightly flour your work surface and rolling pin.  Unwrap one ball of dough at a time and roll each out to about 1/4 of an inch.

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Cut it out to the shape you want it and tap the surface with a pair of chopsticks (so the dough doesn’t bubble up when baking).  Remember to cut it out in exact measurement to your cardboard box.

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Step 9: Bake for 10-12 minutes, until the surface is firm to the touch.  You should probably stop opening the oven door while it bakes.

Step 10:  Transfer baked sheets onto a wire rack and let cool.  Go ahead and send out that text.  Here Comes Honey Boo Boo should have a new episode as well.

Step 11:  Since it was a vegan gingerbread house, it was a little bit softer than the regular recipe so I used a box for structural reinforcement.  Cut out peaks to either side of your box using the flaps on opposing sides, and then tape down the rest of the flaps.

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Step 12: Mix together all of the ingredients for the vegan royal icing.  It doesn’t matter in what order.  Don’t let anyone tell you that it does.  It doesn’t.

Step 13: Using a brush, I adhered each panel of gingerbread to its corresponding area on the cardboard box.

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Step 14: Cut out the cardboard roof, making sure to let it hang over the sides a bit.

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Step 15: I later added graham crackers to the cardboard to make the roof shingles since it resembles the real stuff.  But more importantly, I ran out of flour for the gingerbread recipe and was too lazy to go buy more.

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Helpful Tip: Use a piping bag for thin beads of icing, use a brush for heavy duty adhesion.

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Step 16: Start sorting through your candy/fruit/nuts.  Again, I just use up random stuff in my pantry.  Like the cranberries I bought two months prior from a cranberry bog because I was peer pressured into buying two gallons of the fruit by a beagle loving cranberry farmer.

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Helpful Tip: I also decorated some of the individual sheets of graham crackers to use later as windows.  To attach the windows to the house itself, I added icing to the backing and held it into place with toothpicks.  Take out the toothpicks when the icing is hardened.

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Step 17: Vegan royal icing is super strong but runnier than regular icing. It did the job but was messier than I anticipated. The dog appreciated the drips of sugar on the floor though.

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Helpful Tip: Try to work on one side at a time and let the icing completely harden before moving onto another side.  With all the sitting around time you have while waiting for it to dry, now might be a good time to restock your liquor cabinet.

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Step 1 (I know this is the second Step 1 but after restocking the liquor cabinet, I’ve lost count, sorry): I picked up a tub of that pre-made frosting while I was buying alcohol.  I made sure it was the vegan-approved variety though.  Get the super white one.  You want it to look like snow.  Put some of that good stuff into a piping bag and pipe away.  I made icicles with it, cause I’m fancy like that.

ImageSide view of the gingerbread doghouse.

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Mo waiting for her house to be done like every other impatient new homeowner.

ImageDone!  Four days and a few bottles of wine later.

ImageTo make it into a doghouse, I needed to saw a door through it but didn’t have the heart to poke a hole through the front since I had spent so much time on it.  So, I sawed a hole through the roof instead.  If the roof is good enough for Santa and his seven dwarves or eight reindeers or whatever he has, it’s certainly good enough for our dog, Mo.Image

Getting in a few good licks.

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Crazy eyes pop out for sugar.

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Leaving the sugar alone once we threatened to toss her out without her collar if she didn’t stop eating her new house.

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Best dog ever. We intend to charge her mortgage payments within 30 days of move-in though.

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4AM Letter To My Neighbor

In honor of it being Super Bowl weekend, I thought it might be useful to share a few tidbits on how to deal with loud partying neighbors using Emily Post’s book Etiqette as a guideline.

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I have loud neighbors.  Party until 4AM type neighbors. You would think that paying a certain amount in housing would weed out that ilk of people, but no.  So I thought, “What would Emily Post do?”.  Probably write a friendly letter of advice to the neighbor is what I’m guessing, but it’s pretty hard to guess what a dead woman would do.  Try it.  See?  Told you it’s hard.  Unless you’re Mante Te’o, that is.  So here is my letter:

Dear Neighbor,

With your permission, I (along with the rest of your neighbors), would like to start a collection fund to raise enough money for you to be able to afford to go out to a bar of your choice and hoot and holler to your heart’s content until the sun comes up.  But if you do insist on throwing parties within your own home, might I suggest a few tips on How To Host A Successful Party?

  1. After college, parties should end at midnight.  When you are still up and partying at 2am after the age of 25, your neighbors have no choice but to come to the conclusion that you have a very sad sex life.
  2. Under no circumstance is it okay for anyone south of the Canadian border to play Nickelback, back to back to godawful back.
  3. If your music is so loud that the neighbors’ walls vibrate, you are deaf.  Please Google Helen Keller and your nearest insurance covered otologist.
  4. The female to male ratio at any given party should be 1:1.  Ten guys and a girl is not a party.  It is ten guys and a girl.
  5. Those girls on the street you fools were hollering at to “Come on up!” at 3:56am are not “girls”, they are hookers.
  6. Please provide your guests with lighters.  There is nothing more annoying than waking up at 2:10am, 3:12am and 4:01am to a man screaming, “Does ANYONE have a lighter?”.
  7. “Have you ever questioned your job?’ is not an appropriate party conversation topic.  Please pass this information to others.
Thank you for your time.
P.S.  See you at the neighborhood BBQ on Saturday!

Doo-doing The Bathroom, Hallways & Patio

The bathroom.  People spend a lot of time in here alone.  You, your guests…the maintenance man who’s there to unclog your drain, and tell you that you need to cut your hair short so that he doesn’t have to unclog so often.  I mentally fired him but it hasn’t happened in real life yet.  I’ll let you know when it transpires.  But with the sort of friends and family I have, I know they’ll be snooping through my bathroom cabinets unsupervised, so I’ve developed a guideline on How To Impress Your Guest While They’re Peeing.  You might want to bookmark this.  You won’t learn this sort of stuff from Martha Stewart.

How To Impress Your Guest While They’re Peeing

  1. Your toilet paper choice is a direct reflection of your income and social standing.  Choose wisely.
    1. Seventh Generation: This is the recycled toilet paper of choice for hipsters/hippies who pray at the alter of Whole Foods.  My fiancé used to use this brand until I pointed out that their toilet paper division is based on the phrase, “There’s softer bathroom tissue out there, but ours does more”.  If you buy this brand, you’re going to have to keep the wrapper on the rolls so that your guests know that you are an Earthlover with disposable income.  Without the wrapper, I’m afraid your guests will assume that you stole toilet paper from the airport because in all honesty, there is no difference between the two.
    2. Quilted Northern Ultra Plush:  This toilet paper says the buyer is a person with a substantial savings account and marinated gourmet olives in the fridge. Nothing impresses a guest more than the quilted look.  You have arrived my friend, congratulations.
    3. Singly-ply tissue:  Quickest way to not have any return houseguests.  No one wants to have poor friends with debt issues.
2.  Choose your magazines and newspapers wisely.  I subscribe to The New York Times just so that my guests can think I’m educated, worldly and can’t finish the Saturday crossword puzzle.
3.  Hide your makeup unless you want your $43 Laura Mercier foundation to be half empty, and your Maybelline $2 lipgloss undisturbed but the subject of a text sent from your guest to a mutual friend that goes “I can’t believe she uses grocery store makeup…ew”.
4.  You may want to do a little pruning of your medicine cabinet. You lose friends with herpes medication, you gain friends with some manic pills.  Those people are fun.  Half of the time.
5.  Finally, keep your bathroom clean.  Seriously.  Clean it.  You’ll keep more friends that way.  Trust me.  Here’s the “Before” picture.
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Bathroom “After”. I added the medicine cabinet to provide extra storage. The towel rack on the left is actually a piece of driftwood I took from Discovery Park. Apothecary jars are used as storage for bar soaps and supplies. I also have an antique shaving kit and English dairy bottle on the counter if you look closely enough.

Cost:

Medicine cabinet: $89 (Home Depot, my second favorite store after Goodwill)
Apothecary jars: $8 for 2 (Austin Goodwill)
English dairy jar: $8 (Butler’s Antiques in Fort Worth, TX)
Shaving kit: $Free.99 (Fiance’s mom’s storage unit)
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Bathroom “After”. I made a toilet paper holder by buying a plain wooden box from a craft store, painting it grey and attaching fabric and frame to the front. The photos up top are ones I’ve collected over the years from garage sales and thrift stores. The magazine rack was bought at a Goodwill in Austin.

Cost:

Wooden craft box: $5 (Michael’s, buy and stock up when they’re 50% off)
Magazine rack: $6 (Austin Goodwill)
Photos: 99 cents apiece (Austin Goodwill)
Frames: $4 apiece (Austin garage sales)
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Bathroom “After”. One of my favorite pieces, this side table was a wedding gift to my fiance’s great great grandmother. It requires weekly applications of lemon oil since it’s fairly fragile due to years of neglect but it works well as a towel and hamper storage for the bathroom.

Cost:  Free

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Bedroom Hallway “After”. The chair was purchased from Goodwill at $12.99 and reupholstered with a yellow/grey starburst pattern. I found these old frames at flea markets, repainted them and added scrap bits of wallpaper to the border and then hung them up. The front one is off iron hooks from the ceiling and has sheer fabric attached to the back. The walking stick to the right was handmade in Cambodia. The basket underneath is full of yarn…so this is really my knitting area complete with the old person’s walking stick.

Cost:

Chair: $12.99 (Austin Goodwill)
3 Frames: $17 (Flea market in Fort Worth, TX)
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Hallway “After”. Not much going on here since I like to keep the entryway clutter-free but to the left is a shoe cupboard I’ve outfitted with interesting knobs. To the right is a handcarved chair I found for $8 that dates back to the 1940′s.

Cost:

Ikea shoe cupboard: $150
Dresser knobs: 6 at $8 apiece (Anthropologie)
Chair: $8 (Austin garage sale)
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Patio “Before”. This is the smallest patio I’ve ever seen but also one of the fewest ones seen in Seattle. Most places here don’t have a patio. People go sit in the woods, with their tops off, singing campfire songs when they want to sit outside.  Oh, that’s my dog, Mo. She goes topless all of the time.
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Patio “After”. I’ve planted fuchsia (correct spelling, I swear), sweet potatoes, strawberries, peppers, basil, lemongrass, rosemary, foxgloves, maidenhair, lavender, hydrangeas, delphiniums, sage…the tricky part was mounting the planters to a solid metal wall. My fiance figured out how using those metal bars and some brain power. The sign between the planters was taken from Colorado State Park during our first camping trip.

Cost:

All plants: $75 (Home Depot, Ravenna Gardens)
Planters: $80 (Home Depot and Seattle Goodwill)
Soil: $12
Outdoor seating: $300 (Pier 1 Imports)
Outdoor pillows: $21 (30% off at Pier 1 Imports)
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This is a vintage sewing table that no longer works.
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I unscrewed the machine from the table and hacked off the bottoms…
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…to make an outdoor table/cooler (since the top opens up). The milk rack on top is an antique one I bought from Goodwill for $1.99. I used it to display some mossy plants. You can’t really see but behind the chair is a planter that I made from upending a coffee table that I made when I was 17, lining the inside with coffee burlap bags and filling with soil and plants. You can see a better picture of it in the photo right before this one. It’s in the far left corner.

Cost:

Sewing table: Free (Given)
Milk rack: $1.99 (Austin Goodwill)
Mossy plants: $8 (Home Depot)
Dog: Not Free
Total Cost: $859.96 for all three areas.
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Paint Chips & Salsa: Decorating The Kitchen & Dining Area

Kitchen “Before”. I flew in after the movers unpacked and this was, by far, the most time intensive area to organize. Mainly because I cook every day and I may or may not have a slight case of serious OCD.

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Kitchen “After”. I don’t believe in decorating the kitchen with useless things (unless it’s a tree stump on top of the cabinets…see picture for example) so I splurge on buying really nice cooking supplies since they double as decor. I also like to buy apothecary jars to store dog food/treats and glass beer jugs to store flours. Then there is my obsession with buying mortar and pestles. The one to the immediate right of the stove was given to me by my mom along with the cutting board behind it. They were among her first purchases when she arrived in the U.S. in 1981.

Cost:

Apothecary jars: $30 (Marshall’s)

Crate and Barrel mortar and pestle: $35

Papaya salad mortar and pestle: $20 (Phnom Kiev Supermarket in Seattle)

Glass beer jugs: $6 for 2 (Seattle Goodwill)

Anthropologie measuring cups and spoons: $50

Frame that I repainted and filled with dried moss: $8 (Austin Goodwill)

2 woven baskets: $8 for 2 (Austin Goodwill)

Iron napkin holder that I refinished: $5 (Austin Goodwill)

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Kitchen “After”. I used molding to make display areas in the kitchen. The frame to the top right is an antique one from my fiance’s great great grandmother that I used to frame moss. Below it is a shadowbox that I found at a garage sale and turned into a recipe holder. Left of that are tin cans I papered and use to hold cinnamon sticks and herbs. And above that is a mirror I found at a thrift store and repainted a distressed white.

Cost:

Molding: $25

Shadowbox: $3 (Garage sale in Austin)

Apothecary Jars: $24

Recycling Bags: I think they were $16 for two (World Market)

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Kitchen “After”. Because we are tree hugging hippies, I repurposed random glass jars into pantry storage. I would show you the organization of the other cabinets but have been told that my facing-labels-in-one-direction was kinda creepy.

Cost:

Glass jars: Free

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Dining Table “Before”. I actually took two pieces of furniture to make this. The bottom is the pedestal for an Ikea table that I attached an antique tabletop to. The tabletop has been in my fiance’s family since the early 1900′s which I sanded, painted, resanded and repainted to have it match the pedestal.

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Dining Table “After”. I used epoxy spray paint to do this table since it’s extremely hard and durable and will take the daily wear and tear.

Cost:

Epoxy paint in “Gloss White”: $12

Table was free using two existing tables.

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Dining Area “After”. This side table was made by my fiance’s family in the early 1900′s using old barnwood. I cut it down by a foot to make it usable in this space. Flanking it to the left is driftwood I took from a nudist beach on Lopez Island. Above the table are antique doorknobs and hardware that I’ve collected from flea markets and thrift stores. The framed pieces are artwork comprised of receipts, cards and maps of our travels.

Cost:

Frames: About $65 in all.  Most are from garage sales and thrift stores.

Total cost for Kitchen & Dining Area: $307

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